You probably have been exposed to, in some way or another, Gary Chapman's Love Languages. (If you have not yet read this book, I highly recommend it.) I have used this tool in numerous situations when dealing with people of all ages. I would like to show you how you can apply the genius in this system to your own family as you prepare your student for success in college.
Mr. Chapman explains in his book Love Languages that there are five different ones and each of us has a predominate love language. The languages are:
Words of Affirmation: A person whose love language is words of affirmation desires validation of worth through others comments. These people will work for nothing if you just tell them what a great job they are doing!
Quality Time: Quality time is pretty self explanatory; these individuals need time with you to feel your love.
Gifts: A person whose love language is gifts will hear love when presented with tangible items; this individual loves 'things'.
Acts of Service: An act of service person hears their language spoken when another does something for them.
Physical Touch: The final language is physical touch; this is not to be confused with romantic touch. The physical touch person is exemplified for the person who feels love through a hug or a pat on the back.
Take a minute to think about your love language. For some, they are able to identify their language immediately. Others struggle... they like them all! If you fall into this category, take some time to evaluate how you feel when you are affirmed, given quality time by someone, handed a gift, had something done specifically for you or received a pat on the back or a heartfelt hug. Over time one of these languages will speak louder to you than all the others.
The next step is to observe, ask questions, and experiment with your family members and close friends to identify their love language. Once you can recognize their language, you need to speak to them in that language. Let me give you an example, after reading Gary Chapman's Five Love Languages I discovered mine and then worked on determining my husband's love language. What I observed was that every time he did a household job he would say, "Hey Deb, I just emptied the dishwasher", or "Hey, Deb I just power washed the driveway", or "Hey Deb, I just swept out the garage". I quickly determined that he was an 'Acts of Service' guy, because if I added to the end of each of his statements, 'because I love you' it all made sense. So I started to speak his language and reciprocated with acts of service. The first 'act' I did was to make lunch for him in the mornings so he could take it to work. This simple act spoke volumes to him.
After some practice, you will be able to figure out the love languages of the people you deal with daily. A college bound student will be exposed to lots of new people, several of which will have a great impact on their future, so it only makes sense to hone your skills in this area. By adding yet another tool to your college tool kit your student can continue to increase their odds of success in college.
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